What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
