im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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