the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
