wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
