office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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