I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
