my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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