Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
