How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just had sex on a roof
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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