i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
