so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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