I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Two words: blizzard sex
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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