I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
