Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
