i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
