i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
