sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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