Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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