My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
