I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
