Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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