I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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