My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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