wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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