Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
