I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
