She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
