I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize