I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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