only you would photoshop your dick
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
