just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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