he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
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Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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