the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
