this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize