If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
