dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
