Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
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he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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