i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
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