guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
