You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
