do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
