i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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