Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
