i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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