Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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