I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
