those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
