We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
