You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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