if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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