My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We're too hungover to prance.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
