dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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