So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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