FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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