Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
