ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
