what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
