So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
farters have to be the big spoon...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
