Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
