you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
As shirtless as possible
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
