I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
