On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
