Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
