Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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