are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
