im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
