You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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