he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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