Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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