My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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