i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
